30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

The following article (http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/) I stole from a link a friend posted on Facebook. It really made me think , helped me change my perspective on things and made me aware of some of the choices I've made in life were for good reasons. I've added comments/thoughts/ideas after some of the items on the list. I'm also not sure why there is a white background behind my post instead of the pink. It's probably because I copied and pasted the article. Oh, well, you get the point. 

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends. 
1. This is one of the main reasons I got divorced back in 2008. I won't go into details, but I am now happier than I have ever been because I found the man of my dreams who wants me in their life. I am very grateful to have him in my life. 
2.  Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
1. Hence, another reason for me divorcing in 2008.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
1. I think I did a pretty good job at this (except for some mentioning in this post). Every since I met my husband, it seems like the decade before him had completely disappeared (the bad stuff anyway, I still remember things like what happened in my family).
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
1. While I hate making mistakes, I am glad that I took the leap to go to graduate school and get my Master of Education. While it was a struggle to get through at times, I am glad that I did it so I don't have to regret not getting my Masters.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
1. I've definitely learned from this one! I finally came to the conclusion in my life that every thing happens for a reason.  I wouldn't be here to day  if it hadn't been for the things that I've done or have had happen to me. 
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
1. This is one thing I have definitely made an improvement on in the past few years. I've cut back on my spending greatly in the past few years. I've found happiness in the things that are free in life. :)
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
1. Having a history of depression, this is something I have struggled with often.  Again, it's been better in the past few years. I realized right before I met Adam, that I'd have to be happy with myself before I could ever hope to find anyone who I could spend my life with. After I divorced I went on several dates with guys who I thought could make me happy. Well, that wasn't the case. I was looking too hard at trying to find happiness in others. Once I finally found it in myself I found Adam. :o)
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
1. I wish more people would heed this advice. After going on dates with several guys who obviously weren't the "right person " I took time for myself and decided it was better to be alone than to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. I keep seeing one of my family members go in and out of relationships frequently (according to Facebook) and seems to be sad or depressed when things don't work out with a guy and then bad mouths guys. However as soon as she finds another guy she seems to be in love right away. I don't want to judge, but I think she is jumping into things with guys too fast.  I wish she' d take time for herself and let the rest fall into place.  However, it's not my life so I don't say anything - except here I guess.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
1. This has been a tough one for me. First it was when I was single after my divorce and was jealous that "everyone" was married or had someone in their life. I got over that once I met Adam. Now my jealousy is towards everyone who has children and seem to get pregnant with the slightest trouble.  I'm sure that jealousy will go away once I get pregnant. If you had been through 14+ months of infertility treatments and still had no results, wouldn't you be the slightest bit jealous of someone who just announced they're pregnant? If I had one thing that someone could be jealous of, it might be my husband because he cooks (we like to cook together), he cleans, he makes time for me and truly appreciates me. How many people can say that about their husband?
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
1. This is my goal this year. I will not let infertility effect me! Granted it plays a big part in my life, I will not let it get me down when treatments fail. I am being very hopeful that the fertility treatment in January (frozen embryo transfer) will be a success and that I won't have to deal with any more hurt. If it does not work, I will try to not beat myself up over it. 
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
1. It's the little things in life that matter the most, right? :)
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
1. I am sort of a perfectionist, but I know that I don't have to be perfect. No one is perfect. 
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
1. If my FET in January fails, forgive me if I want to ball my eyes out for a few days. I'll get over it. I think. Life will move on. At least I have my husband by my side to get through life. 
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
1. Hence my reason for thinking that the FET in January WILL WORK and I will finally become a mommy!!!! :o)
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
1. There is nothing in my life that I am ungrateful for. While I hate that I struggle with infertility, I still have a pretty good life. I know that there are people out there who are less fortunate than I am in more ways than one.  I am grateful that I am who I am and that I have what I have.