I know there are other ways to become a parent than carrying my own child. However, it is my preference (as well as my husband's) at this point to carry my own child. We have considered surrogacy and adoption, but at this point, we have not given up hope to give birth to our own child. I refuse to give in yet.
While I value everyone's opinions, I'd appreciate it if people who stop trying to suggest adoption at this point. Adoption might be the way for some, but right now, it is not our choice to do that. I really don't want to blow in someone's face if they suggest adoption, but I'm to my breaking point on that topic. I will exhaust my other options before I give adoption even the slightest thought again. Please refrain from telling us how we should become parents.
4 comments:
I guess it is up to you whether you publish this or not -- I don't intend for it to be negative but you may perceive it that way. When I commented to other day (for the first time) I often refrain because I know your fertility "problems" are a really touchy topic. However you post your raw feelings on here & facebook almost daily...so people are going to respond not because they disagree with you, or think your decisions are wrong just simply because they care and we are all humans & we all have opinions/feelings too. When I hinted at the topic of adoption or surrogacy in my post it was not me saying give up on having your own child...it was my way of saying don't give up hope on being a mother because you stated to some degree of not wanting to give up on being a mother just yet (don't know your exact words off the top my head) so I guess maybe it was a failed attempt but I was trying to boost your spirits. Essentially reminding you (because often when emotional we don't remember to look at the bigger picture - we all have been there me included)that even if this IVF does not work there is still hope at becoming a mother. I know you and Adam both want to experience having your own child or you wouldn't put yourself through the emotional and physical roller coaster of IVF. I really do hope that it all just falls into place and works out how you wish and I never intended for you to think I was saying "throw in the towel" on IVF. Also I hope you don't perceive this next part as negative but if you publicly post your raw feelings and opinions for other to read then you are going to get comments/opinions from your readers (most of whom I'm assuming are on team "Lets Get Andrea Prego ASAP"). I have always been a firm believer that two individuals should be able to express their opinions/feelings to each other (even if they disagree) and be able to respect each other. You don't always have to agree with or accept the other individuals opinion but you should respect their opinion (and not get defensive) because I would hope that individual would offer you the same courtesy and respect your opinion/feelings. I know its hard when emotions are running high and you feel like your at your breaking point (I recently have been there regarding personal matters myself) but try not to take everything so personal or interpret them as attacks or judgments. I believe most (of course there are always a few sour apples) individuals have the best of intentions when posting on here(or facebook) or talking to you about your journey through fertility hell. My post is getting rather long so I will end it here - I hope this has not upset you (it would not be good to do that twice in the same week) - just know Clay & I of course want you & Adam to get not only what you want but what you deserve. At times it may not seem like it but we do support you guys regardless of any differences we may have in our opinions on life. We love you both & only want the best for you guys!! Often when we express our "concerns" - it is truly out of good intentions because we love you & worry (not that your not capable adults we know you are)/want the best for you guys!! Okay I an really ending it here this time :)
love your opinionated sister-in-law who probably drives you nuts 90% of the time :)
-Brittni
I'm not trying to take offense or offend anyone, I know you are looking out for us.:) I'm just frustrated with hearing the word "adoption" and didn't know how else to let the world know I don't want to hear about it right now other than posting. (You are not the first person to suggest it, so the post was not aimed at you or anyone in particular, just a general post) I value your opinions and I respect them. I know you want to be an auntie just as bad as I want to be a mommy. :) If I ever throw in the towel on IVF, Adam and I would lovingly adopt a child into our home. Until that time I will focus on what I can do now.
Yes, we may disagree on things and drive each other nuts but that's what families are made of...sweet with a few nuts ;)
I don't think anyone was trying to tell you how to become a parent. I think they were simply suggesting that if becoming a parent is truly your goal, you would do what you could to make that happen as fast as you could. Adoption or surrogacy seem like they may be paths of least resistance at this point. I realize both are also expensive, but you could be funneling your money into something that's a sure thing rather than "throwing money away" on something that isn't working.
We've already set limits on how much we want to spend on infertility. We haven't reached that point yet, even though we are stressed right now that it's not working. Since we still have embryos left, it only makes sense to keep trying it on our own. With surrogacy, there's no sure way that it'll work either. Those costs would still be the same for us if we used any of the people who offered to be surrogate for us as they have the same insurance as us. As for adoption, we will extinguish our other options first. If adoption "is meant for us" we will find a way to save for it.
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